Showing posts with label date. Show all posts
Showing posts with label date. Show all posts

how to get ready for a date? "men"


ok boys, we've all been there, there is nothing to be ashamed of, sometimes going on a date can be extremly stressful, no matter how hot or cute you are...
so here's the pointers you need to follow after you ask the lady out on a date:


  • Be a gentleman: open the door, stand up when she leaves the table, pay for coffee/food, take her hand when she is decending a ladder or a sidewalk, do not raise your voice, never embaress her, be civil and show that you are a real man.

  • Dress to Impress: wearing your worn out shorts and your spotted shirt may be the normal thing to do when you're picking up the dry cleans or when your walking your dog, but it is not acceptable on a date that you are really looking forward to, a casual wear can be very nice too if the date wasnt so dress coded if you know what i mean, keep in mind also that its not what your wearing it is the way you wear it so.. be confident and work it!

  • Shave... I mean SHAVE!: if your back/neck hair maybe exposed from what your wearing, shave it, better yet wax it, it is utterly discusting when you have filthy back hair or neck hair, also, your ears... yes you heard me, your ears and nose! trim 'em down guys! but stay away from your chest hair, women like it, it affirms that you are a man to them... facial hair is a matter of choice, if you look like prince charming without it, then shave, but if you look like shaved cat... i think you should keep it, sometimes a dirty look is very handsome on a man, i like it on me so i always go with it.

  • your breathe: minty fresh is never a mess, careful about your breathe gentlemen, brush your teeth and floss, mouth wash, rinse and repeat ooh baby you'll be neat! a trick i learned ages ago is to use an apple, eat an apple before your date and your breathe will be inviting for the next 4 hours... trust me on this, been on enough dates to master a trick or two!

  • topics: stay away from religeon, politics and whatever hot topics your regeon has, no need to talk about palastine and may u just say zip it when it comes to your political beleifs, maybe be give your view in one word, like "i'm a democrate, liberal or whatever" but seriously man, it is either a conflict springer or a yawner! and we all know what religeon does in a date... so i'll keep away from that eh?

  • Don't be a radio/Don't Be a Shrink: now women are drawn to a good listener, but really annoyed with a shrink, most women have shrinks so there is no need for a shrink who wants to do them, and oh i don't need to stress on the don't be a radio deal, we all hate the none stop talkers, even when we are none stop talkers.

  • bodily functions and ticks: wont talk much here, dont fart or purb, dont pick your nose nore your ear, dont push the food on your fork with your fingers, dont eat of her plate and never NEVER! use the bathroom and not wash your hands... some women just know... they just do.

  • final advice: be yourself, be a gentelman, dont cup a feel, dont stress a good night french, a good night smile or a handshake is ok!, if she leans in thats another story and for my friends who are outside the arab world, if you do what i told you... heavy chance you might get lucky ;)

update me if you try it! ladies... your turn is coming ;p


The stings with lovers: Bad Kissers

sorry everyone for not being a 100% disher about my thoughts these days, my new job, being the "ultimate single guy" takes all my times, any way, let me tell you something...
you know when the date goes so well, that conversations don't stop and luaghter becomes a star in the show instead of a guest star?
personally, o.k dates happen often, great ones on the other hand are quite a few... so when i have a great date, my mode elevates and i seriously concider more than a peck on the cheeck for a good night kiss :) (6) ;p~

so, at the end of the date, when you're at your dates car or door, you share a deep look and give it a go for a nice sweet kiss, maybe a whory one, depends on the criteria of your date :)

you expect a movie kiss, a hollywood lip lock or even a porno lusty make out session if you are a bit freaky, but as hopeful daters, "we" never expect a bad kiss....
a kiss so horrible that the moment you get in the car or leave the doors step, ur dates nuber is deleted and blocked by Viva's caller scensors.

bad kissers are there, bad kissers do excist, beware!
bad kissers are scary, bad kissers are... bad!!!
there are many types of bad kissers, and i am proud to say that i met a couple of them, here we will demonstrate some of them :D :
  1. the bad breathe kisser: honestly, this could be fixed, once or twice but i will never carry a mint pack for my date, plus even if i do, everytime we kiss i will taste mint... i really like flavours, i mean i cant settle for just ment!
  2. the licker kisser: yes, salivary bath for your teeth and facial area, no good, not really into tongue baths during kissing, tongue baths are enjoyable in other situations but not this one!
  3. the biter and the slicer: the count dracula type, who bites while kisses, dont get me wrong, sexy bites are hot, like a gentle bite on the lip, sometimes a pain inflecting one to release more indorfins, but when blood or brusing is involved... i rather pass!
  4. the salty drier: when your dates lips are salty and dry :), i dont think thats really appealing... is it? i mean some people wouldn't mind, i would, i like sweet lips, i am into sweets, i like sweets!
  5. the diver: when a kiss is so deep, you're like at the bottom of the titanic, you just can't breathe and the pressure is... well smuthering! honestly i would like to breathe, i mean as humans we tend to like breathing... its a requirment for constant vitality... or so i've heard!
  6. the mini-rapers: this is nice sometimes, when your date simply attacks you with deep kissing and nice rough touching, thats hot when your date is hot, but when you're not into your date... thats another story!
  7. the stiffies: i just hate that kind of kissers! it feels as if a wall is kissing you... i mean why would i be kissed by wall? thats not fair? how about some movements!
  8. the mutes: i tend to make a kissing sound, its a vital part of the kiss, but there are many people who do not make a sound, its like ur kissing a mute, or ur in a silent movie where sound is simply science fiction!
  9. the fraction kiss: this not a type of a kisser no, its a bad kiss that i was introduced to a while back, which has the length of 2 fractures of a second... i just hate it, i dont think i need to explain!
  10. the fish kisser: you how a fish moves its mouth? imagine that ur kissing a fish? would that be pleasant? i dont think so, having a still movement with no tricks or stunts is really boring! i rather go home and kiss my own gold fish!
  11. the snake tongue: the horror! its the last kind i can remember, its when your date inserts their tongues into your mouth repeatedly and in a fast paste movement... just like a creepy snake, its annoying.... its bad!

the search of the perfect kisser is hopeless, we all do mistakes, but! we still can hope for improvments!

i did make several mistakes in my dating life, many many mistakes to be honest, bad kissing was a form of those mistakes, but in my defence i did it once or twice when i was uncomfortable!

having a good date is nice, but please dont ruin it with a bad kiss, if there is any unacceptable glitches in a date, bad kissing should be on the top of the deal breaking list!

ps: sorry for all the spelling and grammer mistakes, i wrote this very fast, i am going to tan now :D

and oh, when i say we in a topic... it means me and the voices in my head ;p~ J/K!

3rd Digree Spree!

i got on a date the other day, with a a beautiful 6 feet tall, blue eyed, pink fully lipped hottie...
now, the food was amazing, the conversation, the ambiance!
ooh la la!
we were at the best french resturant in town, we had something that ends with "ellenioee" and the desert was an amazing crime prouile, i cant spell that proberly, but that wasnt the issue...
you see, i signed up for an up-class, sophisticated dinner, what i didn't sign on for is 3rd digree after wards...
after dinner, in the cab, there sat 20 y.o dental students with no strings attached, with robo-cop... who insisted on knowing everything..
i was faced with questions that i honestly didnt know the answer for, very difficult, i felt i was at my anatomy final, worst of all, i final that i hadn't studied for!
how many people you had sex with?
did you ever do drugs?
how old is your parents?
when did they get married?
is there any genetic diseases in your family?
what kind of art do you follow?
how deeply attached are you to your religeon?
who's your favourite designer?
do you preferf dark haired people, redheads or blondes?
do you eat junk food?
do you know how to cook?
are yoy a texter or a caller?
an emailer or an im-er?
do you agree with the current political terms of isreal and palastine? - WTF? -!
what is your aspect about tattoo's? - hot :D -
have you ever tried bondage?

jesus moses allah god mohammad!
what the fuck?!
i mean seriously, cant people just be hot.
period!?
why the issues?
why god why?!
i mean, the person i dated before, told me i love you on the first date!
the person before told me she loved eating mustard for fun!
the great dreamy dental student i had coffee with is an athiest who believes anyone with religeon should be thrown in a ditch!
and you guys read my old dating experiences and my past relationships...
i have my issue's and god knows they are to many to count, especially the new ones!
do you know i am the backstabing cheating manipulative kind i always said i wouldnt be now?
i know, you bitches saw it coming, that if i kept all this frustration in, i would become the kind i dredded the most!
hmmm
going back to the subject...
i mean, what the fuck!
i cant remember the whole list of questions, but damn it, the moment we reached robo-cop's flat, i ran as fast as i could.
well, ofcourse i had to be a gentleman and give the ever sensitive goodnight kiss, with the ever so false promise of "i will call you".
now i have a date with a bio-chemical engineer, russian bio-chemical engineer, i know i might be exposed to the risk of radiation, or maybe even better get asked to be cloned!
all i know is i am not done yet, finding the perfect date...
i am not done finding the perfect date.