Showing posts with label how to?. Show all posts
Showing posts with label how to?. Show all posts

how to get ready for a date? "men"


ok boys, we've all been there, there is nothing to be ashamed of, sometimes going on a date can be extremly stressful, no matter how hot or cute you are...
so here's the pointers you need to follow after you ask the lady out on a date:


  • Be a gentleman: open the door, stand up when she leaves the table, pay for coffee/food, take her hand when she is decending a ladder or a sidewalk, do not raise your voice, never embaress her, be civil and show that you are a real man.

  • Dress to Impress: wearing your worn out shorts and your spotted shirt may be the normal thing to do when you're picking up the dry cleans or when your walking your dog, but it is not acceptable on a date that you are really looking forward to, a casual wear can be very nice too if the date wasnt so dress coded if you know what i mean, keep in mind also that its not what your wearing it is the way you wear it so.. be confident and work it!

  • Shave... I mean SHAVE!: if your back/neck hair maybe exposed from what your wearing, shave it, better yet wax it, it is utterly discusting when you have filthy back hair or neck hair, also, your ears... yes you heard me, your ears and nose! trim 'em down guys! but stay away from your chest hair, women like it, it affirms that you are a man to them... facial hair is a matter of choice, if you look like prince charming without it, then shave, but if you look like shaved cat... i think you should keep it, sometimes a dirty look is very handsome on a man, i like it on me so i always go with it.

  • your breathe: minty fresh is never a mess, careful about your breathe gentlemen, brush your teeth and floss, mouth wash, rinse and repeat ooh baby you'll be neat! a trick i learned ages ago is to use an apple, eat an apple before your date and your breathe will be inviting for the next 4 hours... trust me on this, been on enough dates to master a trick or two!

  • topics: stay away from religeon, politics and whatever hot topics your regeon has, no need to talk about palastine and may u just say zip it when it comes to your political beleifs, maybe be give your view in one word, like "i'm a democrate, liberal or whatever" but seriously man, it is either a conflict springer or a yawner! and we all know what religeon does in a date... so i'll keep away from that eh?

  • Don't be a radio/Don't Be a Shrink: now women are drawn to a good listener, but really annoyed with a shrink, most women have shrinks so there is no need for a shrink who wants to do them, and oh i don't need to stress on the don't be a radio deal, we all hate the none stop talkers, even when we are none stop talkers.

  • bodily functions and ticks: wont talk much here, dont fart or purb, dont pick your nose nore your ear, dont push the food on your fork with your fingers, dont eat of her plate and never NEVER! use the bathroom and not wash your hands... some women just know... they just do.

  • final advice: be yourself, be a gentelman, dont cup a feel, dont stress a good night french, a good night smile or a handshake is ok!, if she leans in thats another story and for my friends who are outside the arab world, if you do what i told you... heavy chance you might get lucky ;)

update me if you try it! ladies... your turn is coming ;p


Anal Much?

why is everyone emailing about how to have anal sex with indian chicks?
i dont get it, what do i look like?
see i dont do indian chick!
with all do respect, indian women are beautiful the have this mystique look and exotic features and the long hard to resist hair...
but anal oh la bumbai is seriously not my thing.
i never saw the appeal in curry fudge...

nor i'm into any extra spiced up fudge, you see fugde is not whats on my top list...
and the guys at school BBM me or IM thinking i'm some kind of samantha anal hot line!
i swear if i get one more sms about how to do anal without the chocolate surprises i will stuff my throat with over used panties for an obese belly dancing arabian princess panties, one with extra addtional glitter!

i'm tiered of saying "tell her to use an enema" you know how creepy that sounds when someone over hears you?

once a guy called naif told me he didnt know if that spot on his sex hypo was a moll or a dodo!

a dodo?
disgusting!

and then he started to tell me how it looked like a lentil!
maaaan!!
why do you have to ruin my day and a very popular seed!

the horror!
you, i can't believe this, but i wish i would go back to the social nobody who kept to himself and listen to his ipod, all this bullshit started when i walked into blue ribbon with that slut who just wanted free drinks...

i wish i kept to myself!

you know what, i'mma says this once and for all!
use an enema, go slow, lube lube lube, anal go with condoms, NO VASELINE!, and some hannah montana music!

now BITE ME!