What Would People Say?

you know, i rarely share family events with anyone, but this time i would like to share something with you guys, its not a family matter Per say! but still, i thought it was funny and ironic!as you know i have a saying... "Fuck People", i never really cared what people say, do, put their nose in and judge...i never really cared about anything they said about me, because i know myslef, i'm alive and god knows i'mma kick and scream 'till i have no soul left if anyone tries to tell me how to live and how to lead my life... - don't get me wrong though CREATIVE critisism is welcomed... - personally, it's my fucking life and heck!!! you have yours can't i have mine?

so, not to go further away from the subject, i was invited to go to lebanon the other day by a very... VERY close friend of mine, with an all expence paid offer i couldn't really say no... could i?i mean liban! citi la-mour! well... the arabic city la frikin mour!

weither you're in love or not, it's simply tempting to go there, eat fatoush and man'oosheee, smoke argeeelii, enjoy the accent and the beautiful sweet attractive way of life they lead, so i packed my bags, and got ready to leave!of course, being the tre-gentile man that i am, politly i wanted to inform my parents that i am going, you know just because i am 19 that doesnt mean i can pack my LV's and leave, i live under "someone else's" roof, and that "Someone else" has to be inform just incase the plan goes up in flames and it falls down with me screaming my lungs out then crashing on the ground... that someone else simply has to know because i might survive that crash and god knows my diet is strict, i mean do you know how many calories a human ass is? i mean how many hours of working out do i need to transform that into muscle?

you get the drift right?

any way, i called that someone else, and i told them "daddy dearest... i would like to go to lebanon, i was invited, i have no classes now, and i begin two weeks from today.."i expected the happy tone, you know? your son - i feel so werid stating that! - is loved enough to be invited somewhere across the boarders, regardless of what i though, i got a plain cold no, with the weirdest rejection line..."what would people say?"

Escozza moi? - i know the spelling is fucked up but thats what was going in my mind -what would people say? you are telling me no because what would people say?

i asked him... "WHAT... would people say?"

he said " he is studying abroad, and he travels to have fun", so what!!

i mean seriously, when you're frikin' fuckin' 19 you oughtta have fun!if you didn't ... time will pass and you will find yourself 91 with 8 cats in love with a woman who turns out to be a shemale that has size E tits and eats everything in a pornographic way!
now, i am gonna play this well... i will guilt the parent, and i know somehow it doesnt have to do with what i'm gonna ask still... i had to ask... generally i mean..does anyone really, REALLY REALLY beleive in "fuck people"?
is there anyone who... REALLY REALLY doesnt care?

iLead

she was a leader not a follower, but she followed, i guess i can never do that... well i know i can never and i mean never do that, i'm a leader not a follower, sorry, but i know myself.i'm broke, i don't have much money, if any at all.i'm smart, very actually, with an outstanding iq level, it just doesn't work on the exam papers.i don't think I'm Hugh jackman, but i channel him from time to time.
my mom was a leader, but she became a follower...when do we follow?when do we accept the terms of life, and take in the fact that even though we have every quality to lead and be great, we just might not be distend to greatness?
there so many things in my life...so many things that get me angry, get me frustrated, irritated and depressed.i know... it's just life's anatomy, but sometimes all i got is what i am, and when what i am doesn't help me get through the shit in this life... then whats the point of living?
i dont want to follow, i just don't, i swear i am so good from the inside, i really don't want harm to anyone, nor mess fortune any living being, i believe in chances, that every one should get a set of them, in freedom, in education, in the power of the human kindness, of the power of god's kindness...
i want to lead the surroundings of me to a better version of them selves, everything the people the foreigners, even the plants and the animals, the houses and the streets, the blocks and dots, everything, because at the end of the day, all i want is good for all.
so... i wont accept it, i wont follow, i am not a follower, i will lead things to become better, stronger and i want to infect them with the truth, to let them all take it and use it, even if its hard for a while...just for a little while, its going to be hard, but i promise, if we all take the truth and get it within us, no one will ever stand in our way.

i'm sorry, I AM SO Sorry!

in my short life, I've met allot of people, seen, heard, talked and for sure loved, allot of people.
I was also hurt by the people I've met, most of them if not all of them hurt me once or twice, wither they hurt me by a word, a gesture, a conversation behind my back or even a look, I was hurt by most if not all of the people I met...

some people did not know that they've hurt me, so i didnt hear something from them, but some knew that they did, but not all of them said it.
I am sorry...

does it work? yes, it does, but is it enough?
you see when someone hurts you very bad, that it might cause depression for a week or two, when someone hurts you very bad, that you might consider a drastic change in life, when they hurt you so bad, that you turn into a sock on the floor, useless, i mean what can you do with one sock? except for maybe stuff it with sand and make a useless make believe puppet out of it, at that time, at that moment, and in that intensity, does sorry really work?

i've heard sorry for so many times, it just stopped working on me, now i need a gesture to really forgive someone...

i might need a hug, a kiss, a promise sometimes a small little look, because the word sorry is just warren out, sorry alone doesnt mean anything to me.
when i hurt someone, i stay days, maybe weeks tormenting myself about it, and the people who've met me, the people who've really gotten to know me noticed that when i hurt some one i get obsessed in trying to make it up for them, not just by a word, not just by sorry, because sorry alone is not enough!

its not enough, it needs real feelings, real meaning, real moments, it needs to be intense so you would be forgiven, so you would feel it, so you could feel it for real, so real in fact you might never hurt any one again, because only when you feel sorry, you realize how horrible it is to hurt someone.