i told you guys that i am using someone, and that i am angry, plus that i'm betraying allot of my beliefs... well lets talk about it.
-ps: not sugar coating anything or over writing, just gonna post facts -
now the person i am using is "lutfi andabouri", he is a 39 yo man who works at the community center in little Cairo...
met him in a friends gathering after the film festival to watch certain un edited movies that didn't make it into the cut.
i commented on a scene in a movie where the guy steals for his mother, lutfi says that's very common at his work place.
i asked him what he does, he explained that he is the head of the rehab facility, i asked to intern and he said yes. and he added for free of course.
worked there for a week, saw many cases, mother who prostitutes, raped girls: by strangers, reliteves and mostly fathers, abused kids: mentally, sexually and physically, kids who go abandoned in deserts, in front of prayer places and blind children who were thrown in a ditch for a couple of days alone and hungry.
this center holds about 400 cases, there is about 20 center in the capital, none-official and official.
i used those people to feel better with myself, i thought if i helped them i would feel comfort, but i was wrong, each case i saw filled me with hatred and rage, I've become very sick and angry, and after one week i walked out in them.
i am angry at myself, i am depressed, i am sick and tiered of this bullshit and the state of mind people are in.
my finals have been delayed so i have to study, i need to put this on hold...
i can't even put a sentence together, i am so speechless... its taking a toll on me.
